So last Saturday night, on the eve of my 30th birthday (wow, it still feels so weird to say that), I sat in my bed scrolling through Facebook and iTunes as I normally do. Earlier in the evening I had heard Pink's "Glitter in the Air" for the first time and was just like, damn that song is so good. So I went home and downloaded it. Then I asked myself if I had done at least half of the things she had mentioned in her song. I must have. I know for sure I have at least thrown a fistful of glitter in the air. But that song just made me reflect on my 30 years on this place we call Earth. What have I done? What haven't I done? What do I want to do?
For a couple of hours I sat in bed watching the clock creep slowly into the early morning hours. I was briefly filled with melancholy. Feeling sorry for myself that suddenly I was so much older than I felt. Completely at a loss. Feeling like, what the hell. I should be able to at least control nature and stay forever young, right?! But alas, that is not the case.
So right back to iTunes I go. As we all know this phoenix finds his solace in music. Always have, and always will. I started to think about how I'm planning a music video for my first single "Sweet Dreams". So I decide to watch some music videos. I watch a few, including Pink's "Glitter in the Air" live at the Grammy's a few months ago. She was powerful, beautiful and commanded all the attention, sing while flying in the air. It was crazy cool. I was like, I wanna do trapeze. Yeah, definitely, trapeze! Then I come across Katy Perry's video for "Firework". I have the album, I like the song. But the video brought me to an even lower melancholy but at the same time sent my heart, imagination and hopes soaring. Such a simple video, it brought me to tears. It seemed to capture the essence of my melancholy and then answered me like a slap from your mother on the back of the head.
Read the lyrics here: FIREWORK Lyrics
Watch the video here: FIREWORK Video
I am a firework too. A burst of energy that once flashes in your eyes leaves a colorful memory. And you want to see more. :-)
So, I went to sleep contemplating how I was going to be a firework and glitter in the air swinging on the trapeze of life. I woke on my birthday ready. Just ready to do whatever. I hit a milestone. Thats all. A strong powerful milestone. Nothing to be ashamed of. I had survived thus far and amd folling my dreams. I have a pool of photos and memories to remind me where I've been and where I've come from. And you know what?! I'm ok. I'm more than ok. The day seemed to fly by and then it was birthday dinner time, which turned out to be the biggest surprise party of my life. I cried when I walked into the balloon infested room full of all the people who had and still love me since I was a toddler to now. Through my tears I saw the perspective. I saw the possibilities and the love.
I am blessed and should only have things to look forward to. So while I sing and record and follow my dreams, I will also make a bucket list like so many before me have. And I will achieve them all. Hopefully before my next milestone. LOL Stay tuned for the list....
In the meantime, be a firework. Be glitter in the air. Be whatever you want, but live life to the fullest and go forth! Pick up your bucket and run with life!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
From Pain Comes Beauty...
So many of us are guilty of succumbing to past pain and hurt. Isn't it so much easier to just cave in, fall into the pit, crawl into that hole and wallow in the ugly darkness that haunts your heart and mind? Of course it is. Its easy to be numb. But what if you could take that hurt and turn it into strength? Into something beautiful?
I got to experience this this past week. Not that I am wallowing in anything, but while in the recording studio, my producer Pete and I started on a new song. Before we began, we discussed how we wanted to work on a darker, sadder, more emotional song. Something raw. Organic. Pete wanted it to be personal for me, but at the same time something that when people listen to it can feel it, relate to it. So we delved deep into my mind and visited some sad times in my life to which, instead of getting sad and depressed, created one of my most favorite songs on my album. It's beautiful and moving.
What is my point?
Pain, hurt, despair are all things we most likely will never avoid in our lifetimes. But it is what we do with these things that will determine what we take from them. You don't all have to write a song. But you can write, paint, speak, or whatever you feel best expresses such feelings. Like a photograph (pre-digital of course), you start with a negative and end up with a positive image! Do the same for yourself. I think it is very liberating, uplifting and healing.
I was so inspired by this experience that I just had to share.
I got to experience this this past week. Not that I am wallowing in anything, but while in the recording studio, my producer Pete and I started on a new song. Before we began, we discussed how we wanted to work on a darker, sadder, more emotional song. Something raw. Organic. Pete wanted it to be personal for me, but at the same time something that when people listen to it can feel it, relate to it. So we delved deep into my mind and visited some sad times in my life to which, instead of getting sad and depressed, created one of my most favorite songs on my album. It's beautiful and moving.
What is my point?
Pain, hurt, despair are all things we most likely will never avoid in our lifetimes. But it is what we do with these things that will determine what we take from them. You don't all have to write a song. But you can write, paint, speak, or whatever you feel best expresses such feelings. Like a photograph (pre-digital of course), you start with a negative and end up with a positive image! Do the same for yourself. I think it is very liberating, uplifting and healing.
I was so inspired by this experience that I just had to share.
Monday, September 20, 2010
GOOD JITTERS
You know that jittery shaky feeling you get when you have had far too much caffeine? You're like uber-hyper and see things way too clearly. Your thoughts are racing faster than the speed of light, and the one repeating thought is when am I going to get dizzy and fall down? I'm having that feeling today, but in a great way. This week is full of mind-blowing experiences for me and all I know if I want to savor each moment. I don't want to zoom by them, but this exited jittery shaky feeling I'm having is making me wonder if I'll be able to.
The most important thing to know right now is I'm happy. Something clicked last week in me in which I sang "HELLO WORLD! HERE I AM!" I'd also like to thank a co-worker of mine for putting that particular tune in my head as I wrote this.
But I digress: the point is I'm singing in my thoughts. That is a great thing as I am a singer. And this week, there is no better time to be singing my thoughts. With 2 full days of recording this week, my second television interview/ performance, my first ever music industry mixer and a day to write, I better be singing....with all I got! And I'm gonna. All that jittery shaky excitement will be transferred into my performing, recording and writing this week. And you know what?! I'm so excited about it!
The most important thing to know right now is I'm happy. Something clicked last week in me in which I sang "HELLO WORLD! HERE I AM!" I'd also like to thank a co-worker of mine for putting that particular tune in my head as I wrote this.
But I digress: the point is I'm singing in my thoughts. That is a great thing as I am a singer. And this week, there is no better time to be singing my thoughts. With 2 full days of recording this week, my second television interview/ performance, my first ever music industry mixer and a day to write, I better be singing....with all I got! And I'm gonna. All that jittery shaky excitement will be transferred into my performing, recording and writing this week. And you know what?! I'm so excited about it!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Euphoria...
"Had to have faith.
Had to be strong.
Had to believe in myself,
had to believe in my song!"
-Collin Marrero
Sometimes you just have to believe. Even when you feel, hear or see nothing, you just have to believe. You can't touch hope. You can't hear determiniation. You can't see faith. But it's there.
Last night I was painting. I had my iPod jamming in my ears. I was seriously letting go. I mean I just gave myself to the music and the flow of the paint brush. It was almost euphoric. I was dancing to myself and smiling just as much. It was a great feeling. I let everything that could have possibly gone wrong that day or even this past week, any worries, doubts or fears I may have been having, just drip off me like I was pouring the paint.
Four hours later, I decide to check my email. I normally check it every five minutes, but I decided to just let it go in my euphoric state. LOL And guess what?! If you send out positive energy into the universe, the universe will send it right back to you. Three fold.
In my email I had 3 requests, not one, not two BUT THREE requests to perform! As a singer, thats a big deal, especially as I am trying to get my music career on the right track. I think I may have let out a little scream when I saw these emails, but I can not guarantee such events as there were no witnesses. So I will deny it in person. HAHA.
Anyway, what is the point of my rambling? It's simple. Like attracts like. If you wants good things to happen in life, you must send out the right vibe. The right energy. Take the time to smile. To dance by yourself. Paint yourself euphoric. Life may not always be easy. Life may not always be all that you want it to be. But if you send out the euphoria, you'll get it in return.
Had to be strong.
Had to believe in myself,
had to believe in my song!"
-Collin Marrero
Sometimes you just have to believe. Even when you feel, hear or see nothing, you just have to believe. You can't touch hope. You can't hear determiniation. You can't see faith. But it's there.
Last night I was painting. I had my iPod jamming in my ears. I was seriously letting go. I mean I just gave myself to the music and the flow of the paint brush. It was almost euphoric. I was dancing to myself and smiling just as much. It was a great feeling. I let everything that could have possibly gone wrong that day or even this past week, any worries, doubts or fears I may have been having, just drip off me like I was pouring the paint.
Four hours later, I decide to check my email. I normally check it every five minutes, but I decided to just let it go in my euphoric state. LOL And guess what?! If you send out positive energy into the universe, the universe will send it right back to you. Three fold.
In my email I had 3 requests, not one, not two BUT THREE requests to perform! As a singer, thats a big deal, especially as I am trying to get my music career on the right track. I think I may have let out a little scream when I saw these emails, but I can not guarantee such events as there were no witnesses. So I will deny it in person. HAHA.
Anyway, what is the point of my rambling? It's simple. Like attracts like. If you wants good things to happen in life, you must send out the right vibe. The right energy. Take the time to smile. To dance by yourself. Paint yourself euphoric. Life may not always be easy. Life may not always be all that you want it to be. But if you send out the euphoria, you'll get it in return.
Monday, September 13, 2010
I Will Rise Above...
"Lying on the couch,
trying to figure out
what is the meaning of life.
Then I jump into the air
and hope to linger there,
at least enough to land on my feet.
As I look into the sky,
I often wonder why
I wasn't born with wings."
-Collin Marrero
What is a phoenix? A mythological bird to which dies by self-combusting into burning flames but then is reborn and rises from its own ashes. I have a beautiful tattoo of one on my arm. It's a very symbolic bird, dont' you think?? I am a phoenix. Well I'm not a bird, but symbolically I am a phoenix. Sometimes fires are started around me. Sometimes I start my own. I wish all of the fires I have ever dealt with were contained in the cozy shell of a fireplace. BUT 99% of the time, they are wildfires. Out of control and always leading to something being burnt down. Mostly me. Hence why I am a phoenix. It is hard work, but with determination I rise above. I am reborn. I never let the ashes hold me down. I learn from the scars that the fire leaves, and become stronger. Just like a phoenix I will rise above.
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